Take the Risk

For those who don't know me. I am the type of person who knows what she wants, goes after it,  fulfills the goal and more.
The beginning of this year, I had a rude awakening. I realized what I truly wanted was not what I was going after. For some reason, that scared me. For the first time in my life, I saw things weren't going as "planned". This led me to a point of being raw with myself and questioning: Did I take a wrong turn? Did I hear God wrong? Is God trying to show me something? What did I do to deserve this? Where am I headed?
I tried ignoring the noises in my head because it made me feel like I had control and everything was good.

After all, in society's eyes everything was perfect! Graduated college at 22, had a corporate job, married young and starting to prepare for the American dream right? Am I crazy for not being happy?
When I shared this with my husband, it became real to me. Similar to the phases of grief you go through; but I was stuck on acceptance. I needed to accept the path I was on, wasn't leading me to where I thought I would finish. It wasn't that I was not where I needed to be, because I was. I knew without a doubt, I was right where the Lord wanted me. God was trying to get my attention and calling me out of my comfort zone to follow His next step, not mine.

I began reflecting on a book I had read a year or so prior,  "Love Does".  When I read this book,  the realist in me thought, dreaming is great but the reality is we don't always get to do what we love. That's why we have hobbies. But I couldn't take my own advice. My heart was heavy and I couldn't ignore it. The only comfort I had was trusting Jesus was doing something, I couldn't see. My days were dark, long and with no answers. I was questioning if God even saw my hurt; asking him if he would rescue me out of this dungeon of confusion. After many months of silence, Jesus spoke. Did he share with me why I am going through this and His plan? No. He kept it simple and brief.  "Let's Go!" OK. Where are we going? His response,  "Trust me". Like I mentioned earlier, I am a planner. Taking risks is not how I like to live. But Jesus doesn't call us to do difficult things, He calls us to do the impossible, so our lives can be a pure reflection of His hands performing things He can only do.

The faith journey is a yes journey. Our journey led us to say: "Yes, we are taking the risk of leaving a comfortable position to see Jesus do bigger things than we imagined." He has provided new opportunities I would have never taken before. I am learning to dream with God and slowly allowing Him to hold my heart. I am continuously reminded God has never failed and He won't start now.